When I’m feeling down, one of my favorite things to do is watch people injure themselves on the internet. Say what you will about me – whether it’s fat people falling down or children getting hit in the face; as long as someone is suffering, I’m a happy camper.
Far and away, though, I most enjoy seeing people get handed a beating by the ocean. Whether a result of hubris, ignorance, or pure bad luck, the schadenfreude I reap always manages to turn my frown upside down. What follows is a collection of my favorite examples of frail humanity being pummeled by Mother Nature. And, as it turns out, getting into (and out of) the ocean represents possibly the pinnacle of this masochistic phenomenon. Looks simple when the pros do it. Not always the case. The seven videos below prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt.
1. This longboarder gets a standing ovation for turning a simple hop in into a majestic display of kookery.
2. Their friends are just cackling away like a bunch of empty-headed hyenas, never realizing the severity of the situation. I swear, if I were a NS lifeguard and had to deal with this shit on a daily basis you’d find me climbing a clock tower inside of a week.
3. Like a drunk woman trying to outrun the cops in high heels, climbing a cliff in swim fins isn’t something destined for success.
4. These three spongers struggle to grasp the concept of timing sets. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say they can’t dance. No rhythm.
5. I regularly deal with dudes who insist that, since they “used to skate and snowboard all the time,” they’re fully capable of learning to surf on a shortboard. Never the case. Ever.
6. You can tell he’s a waterman because he’s on a stand up paddle board.
7. Here’s how to get totally worked at Log Cabins without catching a single wave.  What this man doesn’t know is that there’s an easy sand exit about fifty feet to the west. Knowledge is power, people.