Wiggle them hips: The Sidewinding Circular Skates don’t allow for a regular push. Photo: Courtesy of Hammacher Schlemmer
A soon-to-be-released “skateboard” ditches the seven-ply maple deck, two trucks, and four urethane wheels for a couple of rubber wheels complete with platforms for the rider’s feet. Dubbed “Sidewinding Circular Skates” by the online retailer Hammacher Schlemmer, news outlets like NPR and CNET are calling this vehicle a “post-modern skateboard.”

But if you see them in action, you may ask yourself if they are really a skateboard or an evolution of Heelys. And, more importantly, should you consider adding the $99.95 Sidewinding Circular Skates to your arsenal of wheeled objects?

Take a quick gander at a photo of Sidewinding Circular Skates and they look OK. Interesting and modern, even. Then again, the po-mo skateboard doesn’t allow the user to push off the ground. Instead, the rider (circular slider?) has to gyrate like Elvis battling vertigo to kick-start the Sidewinding Circular Skates and keep them moving.

Side note: There’s even a rod that connects the skates for newbies. But, from the looks of things, these young ’uns have never known, from a biblical or Funkadelic perspective, the good times that can be had from moving one’s hips.

Training wheels for the

A rod acts as “training wheels” for beginners on a Sidewinding Circular Skate. Photo: Courtesy of Hammacher Schlemmer
If you’re fond of Razor scooters or Segways, these may be just the ticket. They don’t help you move from one place to another in a unique way, but from a tech-evolution perspective, Sidewinding Circular Skates are more closely aligned with Heelys, those sneakers many children are fond of that have a single wheel in each heel so that the wearer can lean back, pull a walking wheelie, and start rolling instead of walking. Like Sidewinding Circular Skates, Heelys are a little too goofy for anyone over 14. And although Sidewinding Circular Skates do earn points for being off-road capable, they’re not remotely close to skateboard awesome.